


In need of a Miracle

by Fandom_Stuff



Series: A Collection of Ficlets [15]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Nightmares, Regret, dean misses Cas :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:26:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27771478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandom_Stuff/pseuds/Fandom_Stuff
Summary: Dean has a nightmare and Miracle comforts him and Dean can't stop himself from talking about Cas, even if it is just to a dog.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester
Series: A Collection of Ficlets [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1888318
Kudos: 9





	In need of a Miracle

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this on twitter somewhere about how Dean might have talked to Miracle about everything that's happened and they wrote a fic for it too but I also wanted to try my hand so here you go.

Dean woke with a start, his chest heaving as tremors shook through his body. Hell flashed behind his eyes with each blink as he tried to control the terror spiraling through his veins. A whimper sounded at the foot of his bed and suddenly a ball of fur leaped into his arms and Dean was barreled backwards. 

“Hey buddy,” he said gruffly as Miracle nosed at his face. 

A pink tongue flicked out and grazed over Dean’s cheek, lapping up the tears that had spilled over his eyelids. Dean sniffed and pressed a kiss to Miracle’s head. 

“Sorry I woke you. Cas usually-” Dean squeezed Miracle tighter and pressed his nose into his fur. “-Cas usually helped me after I had nightmares,” he finished brokenly. 

Miracle whined at him and nuzzled closer into his chest as more tears fell from Dean’s eyes. 

“I didn’t say it back,” he whispered over his tears. “He died thinking I didn’t--” 

A sob escaped his mouth and his forehead dropped to hit the top of Miracle’s fuzzy head. Miracle licked his hand and Dean just sat there for a minute, holding the dog in his arms as overwhelming sobs raked through his body in waves. 

“Sorry,” he said as he released Miracle slightly. “I haven’t- Sam doesn’t know the full story, and I- I don’t want to tell him. He’ll just look at me with that-that puppy dog face and tell me some bullshit about Cas already knowing how I felt. But he  _ didn’t  _ know, he never did. I never told him, not  _ once _ . How could I do that?”

He was crying hard now, the tears falling like they were raindrops on a windowpane, racing each other down a glass surface that could break from the slightest tap. 

Miracle nosed at him again and Dean slowly began to pet him, running his fingers through his long fur and scratching absentmindedly behind his ear. 

“I loved him, Miracle. I mean  _ really  _ loved him. I didn’t think he could love me back, not like that, but this whole time… this  _ whole time _ , he was there, waiting for me, and I didn’t… we could have had something.” Miracle looked up at him through his shaggy fur, brown eyes wide as he blinked at Dean. Dean smiled at him and gave his chin a scratch. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost him too many times, and I need him back… I-” Dean let out a watery chuckle as he looked at the dog. “I just need a miracle. But there’s nothing I can do, I can’t get him out of the empty, I don’t- I don’t know how. He’s always been there for me, he always- he always came when I called, and now… now he needs me, and I can’t-I can’t help him. He’s stuck in that place and I’m fucking useless. I screw over everyone in my life, and Cas, he trusts- trusted- me, and I- I’m going to let him down,  _ again _ . I’ve only ever let him down, but he still- he still loved me. He shouldn’t have.” 

Dean hiccupped through another bout of tears and Miracle whined again, nosing at his hand. 

“Sorry buddy, sorry. I just... miss him.”

He dragged a hand over his face to wipe away the tears and then gave Miracle an extra pat before he pulled a whiskey bottle out from under his bed and took a long swig. The alcohol burned going down but it was a welcome familiarity. He knew he wasn’t going to be getting back to sleep, so he might as well have a few drinks, just so he could stop thinking about blue eyes that shone with tears through a pure smile of happiness.

It didn’t work, and Dean knew it never would. 


End file.
